Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
