And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize