do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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