i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
