Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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