Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want nice things and good sex
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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