he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
