Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
