Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize