you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
