i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize