my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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