good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
