So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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