My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
