D3 body, D1 cock
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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