drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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