To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
