Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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