Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
