Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
