Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize