When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How does one acquire holy water?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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