with your own penis?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
