overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
