All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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