the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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