Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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