Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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