Swine flu is the new snow day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
