You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize