I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
