oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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