I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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