but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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