I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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