Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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