I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So much rum. So many feels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
