sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
