...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was like eating out sand paper
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
