Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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