I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
wow bdsm is so cute
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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