RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
