You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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