he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
