Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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