why didn't you poke me back
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
