i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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