Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
