Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
