Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
