Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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