the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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