Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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