Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.

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(515): View more from Iowa

After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding

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(450): View more from Quebec

Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.

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(760): View more from California

so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread

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(678): View more from Georgia

Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...

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(941): View more from Florida

I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.

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