i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
