Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
