6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
