I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
