so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I see more hoeing in ur future
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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