She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
