he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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