Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
