THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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