I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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